:: Poetry ::

:: Thursday, May 15, 2003 ::

5-14-03
blank eyes
staring
always staring
unblinking
gazing into my soul
haunting me
eyes
pitch black
empty
frozen
cold
killing me
piercing me
turning me to dust
they're staring
always staring
boring a hole
in the back of my head
if looks could kill...
i'd be dead already
:: sydinator 10:34 AM [+] ::
...

5-14-03
a crimson line
etched across
the milky skin
of my wrist
pain coursing
through my entire
being
jeweled
beads of pain
rising to the surface
dripping from my arm
to the floor
i crave the sight
of the iron droplets
falling
i'm falling
i need the sharp focusing pain
to take me away from this hell
:: sydinator 10:32 AM [+] ::
...

5-12-03
an empty road
never traveled
haunted
by long forgotten dreams
long lost ghosts
of children
walking through me
around me
i can feel their presence
sense their tears
their cries resonating
i can feel the children whispering
echos of the dead
and dying
their eyes
dark and empty
black like the surface of the water
unbroken
glowing a fiery red
against the night
your inner demons
calling to you
on the haunted road
beckoning you to come
and follow them
take them by the hand
and let them lead you
down the path
to your ultimate destruction
the evil
awaits in the darkness
with jaws
to catch and snap
you in two
like a twig
i can hear the children calling me
bleading with their cries
begging me to hear them
their eyes
so empty
i'm haunted
by these long lost dreams
of the ecos
of the the tears
of the dead
:: sydinator 10:31 AM [+] ::
...

5-12-03
pain
sharply focusing
tearfully bringing
me startled back to reality
floating on the ceiling
staring at myself
from above
seeing my own horror
the blood seeping to the surface
the tears in my eyes
the pain
focusing
deeper
harder
closer
pinpointing
any disasters
on the horizon
:: sydinator 10:27 AM [+] ::
...

5-12-03
pulsing
flowing
throbbing
through my veins
blood
the life force
the essence
crimson droplets
spilling
falling through my fingers
creating
a puddle in the mud
a crimson stain upon the dust
blood
my jeweled droplets
of pain
stinging my soul
i can feel it
killing me with every breath
haunting me
taunting me
the pain
eating away at my heart
:: sydinator 10:26 AM [+] ::
...

5-9-03
you don't know me
though i know you so well
you don't see me
i see right through your shell
you can't find me
even if you looked
the space between us
can never be breached
never be crossed
you don't understand me
though time is to your advantage
experience is your friend
but you are still baffled
by the mystery
that is the brown haired girl
sitting in the corner
eyes downcast
writing in a book
tears leaking down her cheeks
you don't know her
and you don't really care
but
still the curiosity burns
at the back of your mind
where do her tears come from
you then turn
to me
and ask
i tell you
that you don't know me
and you wouldn't understand
because that brown haired girl
in the corner is me
"how can that be?"
you ask me bewildered
i tell you that i don't know
with a shrug
and a sigh
and i walk away
melting into the background
until all that is left
is a pen on the floor
and a sheet of paper
reading the words
"you don't know me
though i know you so well
you don't understand
the complexity of this paradox
the times aren't right
you wouldn't believe me
you can't know
why the words spill onto the page
like tears on silk
water in a river
you don't know me
and i don't really care"
confused you walk away
crumpling this piece of mystery
as i watch from my space
in the corner
invisible
as the velvet dust bunnies
and the crystal moths
wondering
if you'll ever learn
:: sydinator 10:24 AM [+] ::
...

5-9-03
pointing at me
why me
out of everyone
in that oh so crowded classroom
why was it me
they had picked
why was my number drawn
why was i sold to the dogs
they were pointing
leading me down the corridor
into a small room
questions
tears
unanswerable interrogations
whispered phone calls
hushed voices
worried glances
and i asked myself
and god
why me
why was it my turn
why was it my time
to wear a plastic bracelet
and walk through stark white halls
staring at thin faced psychiatrists
thinking to myself
why me
wearing pajamas all day long
shivering under hospital covers
alone
bed checks every 30 minutes
plastic forbidden, strictly speaking
and all i could ask was
why me
then i knew
why they had pointed at me
it was my destiny
to be led down the dark corridor
to the white walled halls
and the thin faced psychiatrists
always staring
they pointed at me for a reason
a reason i have to find
still locked behind
more doors in this dark corridor
that i am now walking
alone
:: sydinator 10:19 AM [+] ::
...

5-9-03
that feeling
intense, pounding
ringing in my ears
my eyes wide
scared out of my mind
my stomach
tied in knots
blood pulsing through my veins
my heart beating
a million miles a second
i'm alive
though i wouldn't know it
except for the constant
pounding in my head
never ceasing
booming
deafening
but eerily quiet at the same time
no one knew
of the drum beating
steadily within my skull
they couldn't hear it
they were oblivious to its rhythm
only i was plagued
by this constant noise
in my brain
my face torn in two
wrenched in terror
and pain
frozen
all except for the drum
still beating
always beating


:: sydinator 10:15 AM [+] ::
...